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Ask La Comadre: Sleeping separately y happy

Submitted by on June 8, 2010 – 5:18 am3 Comments

Dear Comadre,

My husband and I have been married for 9 years and we have two beautiful children together. We get along well and, overall, we’re a happy couple. We are, however, very busy since we both work and are actively involved with the kids.

About two years ago, after the birth of our second child, we began to sleep in separate beds in order to let the other person sleep well. Overtime, however, we have become very comfortable in separate rooms. There are days when we do sleep together, but not nearly as frequently as what you would expect from a married couple.

The problem is that, honestly, I really don’t mind it too much. I actually feel like it gives us the space we need, and we can go to sleep at different times without waking up the other person.

My dilemma is that I feel like this is not normal, and I feel embarrassed to mention it to my friends or family.

Is this normal? Should I be concerned?
– Anonymous from Boston

Dear Bostonian,

First of all, you are not alone. More than 30 percent of married couples actually sleep in separate rooms. In fact, homebuilders have noticed a significant increase in the number of requests for large homes with double master suites.

If your marriage is strong (you say it is),and you both take the time to enjoy intimate moments together, there is not much to worry about.

I would, however, advise that you check in with yourself and your husband from time to time, and ask: “Are we still happy sleeping in separate rooms? Do we feel emotionally connected? Do we miss each other at night?”

Feeling embarrassed about this situation is understandable. However, remember that every marriage is different, and you do what you have to do to feel happy and comfortable. There is no need to tell anyone about your sleeping arrangement – you don’t need to share everything about your personal life with everybody.

Remember, too, that this could just be a temporary situation. You and/or your husband might one day realize that it’s time to cuddle up together at night…every night.

Until that happens, enjoy your bed all to yourself!

Buena suerte,

tu Comadre

La Comadre, Angelica Perez-Litwin, founder and writer of ModernFamilia, is a Certified Professional Life Coach and has a Family Life Coaching practice. She has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and over 15 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and counselor.

Email your questions to: [email protected]

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