Brazil Butt Lift and Other Nalga Workouts

Miami Beach Butt Lift

I love my playa, Miami Beach, for its blue-green waters, miles of sandy shore, and its generous acceptance of nalgas of all shapes and sizes — in all manners of exposure.

Big ones, little ones, dimply ones, tanned ones, toned ones, youthful ones, and really, too-old-to-be-shown ones.

In the least pervy way I could, I spent a few days this week studying nalgas on Miami Beach because I am unhappy with my own and want to spring it back to its more youthful shape, or something in semi-close resemblance, at least.

Like a scientist — or professional people-watcher that I am — I calculated the size, weight and age of beach-goers in an attempt to determine if it even is possible to achieve lovely, toned nalgas in ones 40s. (Nobody shows enough butt in Tennessee for me to conduct my experiment.)

Unscientific Results: It appears possible to get bootyful and tanga bikini-worthy …(if I act now!) I saw plenty of “older” women with bottoms that don’t sag down their backsides.

Or, truth be told, the other option is to just not give a flip how big the butt is and put the G-string on anyway.  However, my shame/modesty is too great to show my masas publicly that way. (Obviously, hundreds of women, of all nationalities, sun-bathing on Miami Beach no les importa one bit. I wish.)

Earlier this summer, as I was whining about the expansion of my posterior, a friend who has lost 85 pounds through diet and exercise pointed me toward Brazil Butt Lift, a DVD exercise program by Brazilian trainer Leandro Carvalho designed to reshape el “bum bum.”

So, I did a little research.

Guau.

Getting the Perfect Nalgas

There is Butt Mania happening out there and I had no idea. OK, I knew we as a Latin people have long been butt hyper-aware, but apparently, so is everyone else now. (Do we thank Jennifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian for this?)

I found information on butt lifts, butt exercise programs, butt reduction, butt implants. And even some battery-powered contraption that fixes your butt for you while you watch TV! Who knew?

And check out this “bubble butt” workout on the popular Body Rock TV.  Me muero.

I have decided — despite fabulous before and after photos — that no one will ever cut, or inject anything into, my nalgas, no matter how droopy they get. Personal choice, not judgment.

So, I am left to ponder a relationship with Leandro and my DVD player because I cannot pass his pencil test. I’m checking out the testimonials and thinking que si. I want to believe…

Muevete Music

Until I pull the trigger and commit to Leandro, I’ve been sitting on my butt less, walking more and doing free workouts I have found online and On Demand.

First, on the walking playlist, plenty of Spanish nalga songs. (Thank you, Pitbull, you dirty, but inspirational cubanito.)

Here are some songs, though not all butt related. (Links are to YouTube videos):

Free Butt (Glute) Lift Workouts

Sculpt a Better Butt workout from Women’s Health Magazine and the video.
Krissy Chin’s Glute Workoutin Hers Fitness Magazine.
Plyometrics-inspired lower body workout, Women’s Health Magazine.
Top 10 Exercises to Tone Your Butt, Fitness Magazine.
Free 20-minute Ballerina Butt workout from My Lifetime.

Exercise TV, which is available On Demand via Comcast, also has free exercises online, and some pretty reasonable workouts for download. I am doing the 10 Pound Slimdown, which also is available through iTunes.

The Pencil Test and Pastelitos

I just spent eight days in Miami visiting my family. I had two pastelitos on Day 7 of my visit. Total sacrilege and sacrifice for a cubanita! I usually have one or two a day when I am there, but I passed on them as a daily (a huge feat for me) because Julie informed me that one pastelito is worth 15 Weight Watchers points! That is more than half of the total points I would be allowed in one day.

I passed on the pastelitos because I am determined to pass that Pencil test.

Y tu?

How is your bum bum looking?

Want to borrow my pencil?

Share, por favor!

By Carrie on August 17, 2011 · Posted in the habla habla

26 Comments | Post Comment

Tracy says:

I’m sure I could hold several pencils under my nalgas, and a few more under my breasts, too. LOL.

Wishing you suerte and wishing I could feel motivated for more than a few minutes. I will definitely get up and dance to Pitbull’s C*lo – but the problem is that I’ll want a snack afterward :p

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Lisa Quinones-Fontanez says:

Hahhaahaaaaaaaa – I HAVE his DVD too! In my own attempt to salvage my bum bum. But I can’t get through the work outs without laughing. I have to work out on mute – cannot listen to him telling me to touch myself.

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Mercedes says:

love this!! even with my small bottom (it used to be bigger in high school before I lost my thickness)i still have cellulites but it’s all good :)

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Monica says:

I just stood up next to my desk to do the pencil test. Sick husband on the couch watching, confused. Thinks he’s delirious….

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Dariela says:

I love how some ladies just show and feel comfortable with whatever type of body they have, and I wish I was like that too!

You got me interested in the brazil butt program! One day when I start working out again I have to try that!!

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Patty @ A Day in My NYC says:

I just LOVE that the research for this post was done in “least pervy way I could”. I seriously laughed out loud in my office.

I’m curious about the DVDs but running also seems to help my booty. So I’ll be going with that for now.

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Tracy says:

Had to come back and leave another comment. I couldn’t ignore the pencil sitting on the desk. I went into the bathroom, dropped my drawers, and did the pencil test. LOL. The things you make me do, Carrie.

I’m happy to say I passed with flying colors.

Apparently my ass is fat and wide but not one bit droopy.

Yay for me. LOL. One less thing to worry about.

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Unknown Mami says:

Come on! Pencils weren’t meant to be put anywhere near nalgas.

Posted on August 17th, 2011

bonnie says:

Carrie, how I have missed you! I stop by a for a visit and your talking naglas, lol

I’m afraid if I take this test we could have a shortage pf pencils, lol!!

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Ana L. Flores says:

I don´t want to go anywhere near a pencil right now! Carrie!!! What did Miami do to you??!!hahahaha!!

but..I´m bookmarking this one. Need, need some of these references. Brazilian butt it is!

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Tara Castillo says:

This was a great post! I caught myself laughing out loud and looking for a pencil. LOL

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Bren says:

that pencil test is hilarious! oh my word. who would do that!??! i don’t JLo’s or Kim’s nalgas but damn those chica’s have some serious booties! I’ll take 3/4 of it! ha.

I do loooots of lunges at home while I’m working. those work well. and walking up steep hills…. i have to do all that… my cousin on the other hand has 2x Kim K’s booty. I don’t even get it. we have same exact genes! que locura.

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Carla says:

In high school friends would call me “la chinita” and we always joked I was more Cuban on top and more Filipina on the bottom because I’m busty but suffer(ed) from flat butt syndrome. After kids I decided to kick this nalgas up a few inches, since the boobs were headed south with the breastfeeding, and discovered Physique 57. The workout will make your bum burn in places you didn’t even know you had muscles. The 1st time I did the workout, I literally crawled to the bathroom to shower – my lower body was on fire!

Posted on August 17th, 2011

Anissa says:

Oye! That’s so awesome that you put Pegale al Beat as a song to workout to! Zumba, back in the day (maybe 2007?) put out choreography for us instructors to learn so that we can teach it to participants to THAT song. and i STILL do that song to this day!! Woot woot!

Also, i LOVE the Bodyrock.tv workouts. I do them DAILY! Zuzana is amazing and i would love to have any part of her body on my body.. wait. that sounded weird. lol

I have the Brazil Butt Lift dvds and I’m not that big of a fan. The best way that i know to get the bubble butt you all want? CARDIO… but not any cardio. Formula 55 cardio. There’s even an app for iphone/itouch/ipad. and if you get the app, it gives you all these exercises you can do with the app (even has video tutorials on itunes and youtube). mostly doing cardio on INCLINES helps the shape the booty. But you must get rid of the EXCESS fat in order to even SEE the lifting of the glute muscles and you can’t do that without cardio.

Posted on August 18th, 2011

Aurelia @ PowerfulLatinas says:

Great references for the workouts and songs! I think I need to work on my workout for my backside as well…

Posted on August 18th, 2011

Carrie says:

You guys, I am going to come back and talk some more about this…but some of your comments left me laughing tanto, tanto!

Glad to see someone passed the Pencil Test!

LOL

Posted on August 18th, 2011

Cynthia says:

I come from a family of big Nalgas..we have a saying in our family: Nalgonas Unidas Jamas Seran Vencidas…I have 80 yr old tias..who could give Kim K a run for her money, and perhaps the funniest thing your blog reminded me of was walking into a convo between 3 great aunts who were seeing if their butts had lost any luster, and measuring this by the amount of things they could stack on their bootys before it things tipped over…I guess this is might be another version of the pencil test.

Posted on August 18th, 2011

Carrie says:

I nearly spit out my water when I read this…I am sooo glad you don’t have a droopy butt!

Posted on August 20th, 2011

Carrie says:

Miami always leaves me un poco loca!

Posted on August 20th, 2011

Carrie says:

I am going to look for the Formula 55 app. Gracias!

I want you to video a workout to Pegale el Beat!

Posted on August 20th, 2011

Carrie says:

That scene is a movie scene! Get writing!

Posted on August 20th, 2011

Carrie says:

Can’t.stop.laughing.

Did you pass?
LOL

Posted on August 20th, 2011

Maura at The Other Side of The Tortilla says:

Carrie, as usual you have me on the floor laughing with your “research.” I am dying that you took covert photos of beach bums (literally, haha). But thank you for the reminder that my bum is not beach fabulous and it needs to be by the time I head to Mexico for Christmas vacation. Thankfully, I pass the pencil test and it drops to the floor so I don’t have a ton of work to do, but I could definitely stand to firm up. My problem is less with the nalgas and more with the fat legs. Totally bookmarking this page – thanks for all the resources!

Posted on August 21st, 2011

Cristina says:

I think everyone is going to try these workouts, LOL.

Posted on August 21st, 2011

Lisa says:

My type of post! LOL I feel like I have a huge butt. I always say, even if my butt was on a 8-foot woman, it would be huge so imagine! I’ll check later to see if I pass the pencil test. I can’t be too sure. LOL
Lisa´s last [fabulousness] ..MVP #GenerationGo: Tips on Youth Sports (& A $50 VISA Gift Card Giveaway)

Posted on September 10th, 2011

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Posted on September 28th, 2011