Getting the Chancla: Love Taps?

Family Judge Beats Daughter, a "Latin" view

A Texas Judge beats his daughter, gets caught on video.

By Anonymous

The other day my Mami and I were watching “las ‘tal’noticias esas,” as she calls them, her jab at the fact that she feels news is no longer news. And just as my mom was about to nod off for her afternoon siesta, the anchorman introduced a video of a judge hitting his daughter, and posed the question: “Has he gone to far?”

All of a sudden my Mami perked up and said “Aver sube el volumen y shhhh” and she acted as if the Pope was about to give a speech.

The following is a glimpse into the conversation that ensued. Some the original content has been withheld in order to protect the identity of the author…meaning me, because Mami didn’t raise no fool:

Mami: “Mira esa *expletive,* she’s lucky she’s not my daughter, making her Papi work hard to teach her lessons…y bien merecida por seguro…with all that moving around, what does she think this is a joke o Mira Quien Baila?”

Daughter, who is having childhood flashbacks: “Maybe she doesn’t get hit often and hasn’t realized she has to play dead to get him to stop.”

Mami: “No seas berrinchuda …acting as if you played dead, since when did you play dead? I swear you where the only child I ever met that liked to get hit so much you would do backflips asking for one more chancletada. Besides, a good parent knows when their child is really dead, and playing with your parents emotions will only get you more chanclazos.”

Daughter who has learned her lessons and knows better than to point out the backflips where to get away from la chancla:  “Look Mami, she keeps dancing around!”

Mami: “Que..que? Y todavia she puso that on video. Madre Santisma… where does she live? No eso es invasion of privacy? A la carcel con ella! Has he gone too far? Pfft…not far enough, te digo. Te recuerdas when you thought you were going to call La Policia on me? Her beating would have been worse than that. That mocosa would have been buried with the camera she thought was so cute to tape me with. Where is your sister? I want her to see this… I want to show her what she has coming the next time she tells me she won’t sign me into El Face Book…aver pressale rewind a esa *expletive.*”

(That expletive was in referece to my Mami’s new friend the DVR, it currently has about six novelas saved, from start to finish.)

As I ran to get my sister, fearing she would take out her rage at seeing that “malcriada” be victimized out on me, Mami got on the phone to alert las Tias that there was a kid on the loose who was threatening the sanctity of a good nalgazo. That conversation went a little like this:

“Oye, te recuerdas that time (the Anonymous author) broke the phone on her head trying to call the police? Bueno, ay una *expletive* que filmo a su papa pegandole, tu crees?…hmm mmmm mm… De acuerdo, we have to make un ejemplo de esa *expletive* so these mensos of ours don’t get any ideas. Yo no se que pasa con esta gente de este pais, por todo lo bueno que tiene, los parents are estupid… he should have checked the room first.”

So if you like me watched in horror as this young girl got beat and your mom acted as if it was a boxing match yelling at the TV “Y Uno mas para que se aplaque ” and her motto is “ Mejor that I show you love with my taps, than you get tapped in jail”….you know you are Latina.

At least the old-style, chancla-throwing, correa-hitting kind.

Y tu?

If you’ve seen, or heard about, the video of the Texas judge beating his then-16-year-old daughter, has it brought up questions for you about the corporal punishment of children? Were you spanked? Do you spank your children?

How do you feel about corporal punishment in familias?


Share, por favor!

By Contributor on November 6, 2011 · Posted in headline, the habla habla

19 Comments | Post Comment

Chantilly Patiño (@biculturalmom) says:

To me, this is abuse. It’s terrorizing a child to produce the results that a parent wants with little or no consideration for the child’s feelings or concerns. It was common in my family and I felt it was abuse then and still feel the same way now. I won’t put my daughter in that position or silence her voice and values. My daughter may not cower in my presence, but she knows where the boundaries lie. Parenting with force and threats is not necessary and despite popular belief, I don’t think it gets the job done any better…I’ve seen enough evidence of the “results” that it produces to know that.

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s upsetting, but I appreciate hearing the perspective.

Posted on November 6th, 2011

Tia Mirtha says:

Bueno, I do think he went toooo far with the cinto. He did not use a chancleta. I gave my daughter 4 buenos chancletasos cuando se me puso bocona. I only had to do it once. She never again me contesto con malacriansa. I don’t believe in hitting, but un buen chancletaso when needed, will do the job.

Posted on November 6th, 2011

Monica says:

I was pretty much a good kid when I was a kid, but I do remember getting the belt once or twice. On the bottom only. I don’t think my parents beat me, but those one or two smacks certainly got my attention.

I don’t think I have the right to tell any parent how to discipline their child. But I don’t think all children can be treated the same way. My own to children respond very differently to discipline. For example, my son is immediately chastised if my husband or I (or any adult for that matter) frown his way, whereas my daughter es bien cabezuda (did I spell that right?) and would be totally unaffected and unimpressed by the same frown.

Parents have to figure out what works for their family, but I think the key is to be consistent and not be afraid to tell your child “no.” I think too many parents nowadays are hung up on being their child’s “friend.” This is foolish because your child will make plenty of friends throughout their life. But they will only have one Mother and one Father. Our job is to help guide them and to set boundaries so that they can learn to make wise decisions and have self-control. I think that this can be done in a loving way. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It means you do.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Tracy says:

I don’t think that spanking itself is abusive but this particular video shows abuse. He is clearly angry and discipline shouldn’t be given out (spanking or otherwise), unless the parent is calm and in control. This man has clearly lost control, is angry and relieving his own stress with no concern over how emotionally damaging this is. (The welts from the belt will go away – the emotional damage won’t fade as easily.)

Posted on November 7th, 2011

OC Latino ‘Links’ for Monday, Nov. 7 - OC Latino Link : The Orange County Register says:

[...] Tiki Tiki blog has an interesting post about growing up fearing ‘the chancla’ and thoughts about hitting your [...]

Posted on November 7th, 2011

bohemian babushka says:

I will quote two of my role models-

1. Theodore Roosevelt “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”
2. Mi Madre- “Sigue moviendote, que te doy doble.”

Babushka Besos 2 U

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Unknown Mami says:

I haven’t seen it, but this is so timely for me. I literally just finished putting together a post on spanking that will post tomorrow morning.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Lisa Quinones-Fontanez says:

I haven’t seen the video…but I got spanked – often. Then I wonder, how I would have turned had my mother not loved me enough to beat the crap out of me. I joke about it, I don’t consider myself beaten to call it abuse, it was just what parents did then.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Eva Smith says:

I saw the video and I’m not sure I have the entire story to give an opinion either way.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Carla @ All of Me Now says:

Ay ay ay, I can totally hear the voice of your mom in this conversation. I was never hit as a child but I was threatened with punishment. If I cried, it was always – do you want me to give you something to cry about? It was certainly tough love but I was never confused about who was in charge. I respect my parents for the way they raised me because I love the person I am today.

I don’t believe anyone should be disciplined through physical violence. We as a society don’t accept domestic violence and we get incredibly upset over the abuse of animals. How is it then we can still think it’s humane and acceptable to beat a child into obedience?

Besides, parenting shouldn’t be about obedience. It should be about mutual respect. Because I know the way I treat my kids is how they’ll treat their kids and the people around them. And also themselves.

And I totally get the cultural perspective on parenting – I was raised on it and I struggle every day to be better than that. My grandfather who raised me would on many occasions get in my face and yell at me. What I remember most is the fiery vein in his neck bulging out at me. I was scared into being a good kid. I work hard every day at achieving the same results he got through different means. And when he comes to visit us and sees how well behaved my girls are and how I count to 3 and talk about their feelings and find the patience (some days hard as hell to do) to treat them kindly when they’re having a hard time – he is proud. He doesn’t say just give the kid a good whack. He sees there’s a different way.

Ay, it’s a topic I’m passionate about because I so strongly have to fight the urges of the way I was raised. So I’ll stop taking up so much time and go write a blog post instead =)
Carla @ All of Me Now´s last [fabulousness] ..Hello, I’m Carla

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Li says:

I felt so sad when I read this – and I know it’s not meant to be. Too many people I know were raised this way. I got hit, the belt was used, but it was the rare occasion. My Che, however, had it rough. My cousins, had it rough.

I have no words really, and I do not judge, but I am happy you told your story, and it was brave of you to write it, regardless of being anonymous it took guts.

Our parents at times try to give a lesser version of the punishments they received when they were young, and by our current standards it just might be too much. My grandparents were chancletazo people. That’s just how they were even with us. Everyone rears in the best way they know how… and sometimes they way they know how isn’t right.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Cid says:

Ugh saw this video and it made me sick. Can’t believe some parents can treat their children this way.

Posted on November 7th, 2011

Leslie @ Motherhood in Mexico says:

Absolutely horrible! This video was most definitely a cry for help. My grandmother spanked me maybe 3 times (with a chancla) during my childhood, but always in a calm manner and I learned my lesson. My mom on the other hand used to beat the crap out of me whenever she felt like it and it did nothing but terrorize me and scare the crap out of me. My heart goes out to the young girl in this video.

Posted on November 8th, 2011

Maura says:

I couldn’t even watch the entire video, it was so disturbing. It truly disgusts me that people beat their children this way. It teaches them nothing except perhaps how to behave to avoid the beatings; if it teaches them anything at all. If a parent is trying to teach a lesson, words can go a long way. Violence isn’t necessary. I think there is also something equally disturbing about the fact that this has become a Latino stereotype.

Posted on November 8th, 2011

Carrie says:

I am amazed by the range of experience with hitting/spanking, etc. and I totally agree with @Maura that it is sad this is a Latino stereotype.

I always was amazed to learn someone wasn’t spanked or hit as a child. I thought it was a given.

Sad, right?

I know spanking is a long family tradition on both sides of my family.

I don’t spank and I don’t hit. I try not to yell (often fail). Why? This is what I keep in mind:

If I violate my child’s sacred body with violence I am showing her that anyone else also can violate her body, that it is not worth protecting.

That thought keeps me honest, for if anyone ever laid a hand on my child…ay, madre. Hell to pay.

Love the feedback and comments.

Peace to us all!

Posted on November 8th, 2011

Carrie says:

I can hear that…I can hear that!

Posted on November 8th, 2011

vianney says:

I have seen this video and was so horrified. It’s is very near my hometown and really hit a nerve. My parents did spank, but not often as we got the message quickly. I personally do not spank my kids, but I do not want to be their friend.
vianney´s last [fabulousness] ..Texas Monthly Pecan Pie

Posted on November 9th, 2011

Carla @ All of Me Now says:

Carla @ All of Me Now´s last [fabulousness] ..Raising Assertive Kids Part 2: Laying the Groundwork

Posted on November 11th, 2011

Alexandra says:

Hitting is wrong.

We were hit as discipline and the only thing it made me feel–and I hate to even say this–was anger and hatred for the hand doling it out.

To hit is wrong.

Of anyone.

Posted on November 12th, 2011